Oh, how I hate being anxious. I used to think my stomach issues were food related, but now I’m not so sure. I’m used to living day-to-day with some stability and consistency, but living in a third-world country doesn’t promise that. Ever. 

I feel like I’m in shoulder deep water with little breathing space as I’m facing issues beyond my ability and beyond my control. I literally cannot handle these things things from a mere human perspective. I just can’t. Trust me, I’ve tried. 

All the while I hear Jesus say, “Oh, ye of little faith.” I sorta despise these words; but at the same time, they bring comfort because they’re always followed by, “Don’t fret. I’m in control.”

Although trusting that is easier said than done, I can rest assured that He is with me. And not only so, but he has also gone before me. He will provide. He will satisfy. He will be my source of rest. He will be my refuge. He will redeem. He will uphold me. He is Almighty God.

I WISH I WAS BLACK

Can I be honest with you? Sometimes, I wish I was black. Doing ministry in a third-world country makes things interesting, especially considering a massive majority has the opposite skin color of my own. [Beautiful dark skin, I must add.] Everywhere I go, I am labeled as the “blan” who has loads of money and is automatically seen as better than everyone else. Blending is the furthest thing from possible.  
But if my skin color creates such problems, why would I be called to this place? 
image
Good question. I really hope you were not looking for an answer, because I do not have one. I often question why the Lord would call me to a place I am unfamiliar with and to a people I do not really relate to.  But then again, I remember Apostle Paul’s calling:
"…Paul said: “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city. I studied under Gamaliel and was thoroughly trained in the law of our ancestors. I was just as zealous for God as any of you are today. I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison,  as the high priest and all the Council can themselves testify. I even obtained letters from them to their associates in Damascus, and went there to bring these people as prisoners to Jerusalem to be punished…When I returned to Jerusalem and was praying at the temple, I fell into a trance and saw the Lord speaking to me. ‘Quick!’ he said. ‘Leave Jerusalem immediately, because the people here will not accept your testimony about me.’ ‘Lord,’ I replied, ‘these people know that I went from one synagogue to another to imprison and beat those who believe in you. And when the blood of your martyr Stephen was shed, I stood there giving my approval and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.’ Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go; I will send you far away to the Gentiles.’” - Paul, Acts 22:3-5, 17-21
image
Paul’s conversion could have been a great example of Jesus’ transforming power to his fellow Jews. And he was not just any Jew. He was top notch, trained under the best of the best, and one who persecuted many Christians. However, God decided that it would be best to call Paul elsewhere: to a people he heavily tormented, to a people he did not relate to, to a people who disliked him. I am not exactly sure why God chose this route for Paul, but the fruit of his ministry is quite evident in remainder of the New Testament.

So, what does this truth mean for me exactly? I am not promised to be called to my “area of expertise.” I am not promised to be called to a comfortable place. I am not promised that it will be easy. Although it does not always make sense from a mere earthly perspective, I can rest assured that God knows best.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
neither are your ways my ways. 
As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways 
and my thoughts than your thoughts.” 
- The Lord, Isaiah 55:8-9
[Side note: I’ve been doing a terrible job at updating my Tumblr. If you wish to follow my day-to-day life, do so on Instagram (@jamiekcurtis). If you are interested reading about my journey, check out my blog at www.jamieinhaiti.com.]
Missions is about the worship of Jesus. The goal of missions is the global worship of Jesus by his redeemed people from every tribe, tongue, and nation…Missions aims at, brings about, and is fueled by the worship of Jesus.
John Piper, Holy Ambition: To Preach Where Christ Has Not Been Named

Haiti Bound: 5 days

I leave for Haiti in less than one week. 5 days to be exact. I thought moving my whole life to California was a challenge. However, I’ve come to realize that moving my life to a third world country is a greater challenge. 

Six months ago, I journeyed to Haiti for the third time to spend time at the school and seek answers from the Lord of whether or not I was supposed to be there for a longer term. While sitting in the window seat on my flight back home, I decided that I would obey God’s call on my life and follow Him to Haiti. A month later (February 28th to be exact), I launched my blog and fundraising campaign. On April 15th, I moved back home to Indiana after living in California for 8 months. On May 20th, I found out that I was fully funded for my 2 year commitment in Haiti.

 It’s been quite the adventure already and I haven’t even arrived to Haiti yet! Because the date is quickly approaching, the move is all becoming real. VERY REAL. It’s hard to believe that it’s actually happening. I’ve realized that I’m really going to miss my family, my dear friends and church family, the ability to make a Wal-Mart run whenever I need something, reliable internet, and being able to talk to whoever I want, when I want. I will miss my best friend having her first baby, a childhood friend’s wedding, Thanksgiving with family, and potentially even Christmas at home.
Although thinking about all of that at once is overwhelming, I can’t help but think of these encouraging words from Paul: "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,  that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Phil. 3:8-11)
As I settle into my new home and my dream becomes a reality, I pray that I would never lose sight of Jesus. Jesus is the only reason I am going and He deserves all the glory.  I consider it a great privilege that He chose me to partake in this sort of Kingdom work. And when suffering comes, both great and small, I pray for perseverance. That I will press on towards the goal as I run to my Savior.
pureblyss
You may fear that the Lord has passed you by, but it is not so: he who counts the stars, and calls them by their names, is in no danger of forgetting his own children. He knows your case as thoroughly as if you were the only creature he ever made, or the only saint he ever loved. Approach him and be at peace.

Charles Spurgeon

I just love this.

I wouldn’t normally post a journal entry; but I decided to share genuine thoughts about my year as a 22 year old.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Today I turned 23. Let me tell you, my 23rd year of living was quite the adventure. I had just graduated from college, had my first full-time job, went to Haiti for 5 weeks, moved to California for 8 months, went to Haiti for 10 days, decided to move to Haiti, spent 2 & a half months fundraising (Feb. 25—May 18), returned home to Indiana on April 15, and etc. I even got to meet Goofy at Disneyland and meet Francis Chan. What a year full of sweet adventure with the Lord. It has definitely been a year of much growth and increase of faith. It’s amazing to look back and see the ways God has been the center of it all. It’s truly amazing to see what happens when you put all of yourself in His hands. I’ve seen God at work more in this past year than ever before. I can only be excited for what’s to come. I pray that the faith journeys would never lack zeal. I can’t wait to see what unfolds as I pursue Jesus. Cheers to a great year and to the start of my 24th year of existence. Life with Jesus is so exciting! May the joyful adventure live on!

Thank you, Jesus.